Over a Candle

I’ve always thought that it would be cool if, when you take an exit off the highway, you could choose which location with the name on the sign you ended up at. In other words, if you were driving on I-75 and saw a sign for Lima, you could choose… Lima, OH? or Lima, Peru? Then you would just want to make sure you live in a place with enough other places nearby which take their names from other places. Unfortunately, as far as I know, Fargo is unique.

Also, I wonder about my GPS. Ronni thinks the voice sounds sad or resigned when it is forced to recalculate your route (because you didn’t follow its directions). For my part, I have fun making it recalculate. After all, I know it has a route in mind, but I’ve already decided on my route with Google Maps. The GPS is just back-up. It took about a mile before it finally capitulated to my route. It spent that mile trying to get me to make turns so that I would wind up back on its preferred route. It did sound a little resigned when it finally accepted my new path.

Which makes me wonder… Why do I have three devices with GPS capability, including an actual dedicated GPS, and I still get directions from Google Maps that I print out at home before setting out on the road? Doesn’t that seem like overkill?

Just to share with those not on Facebook…

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Not to detract from my end of the year post, but I wanted to remind everyone today was Endmas. This final day of Chrischanukkahwanzaamas involves fireworks, lots of kissing, and regifting of unwanted presents. Lots of fun to be had by all. Go visit the page for more info.

And HAPPY MERRY FESTIVE!!!

By now, everyone has cooked everything they could possibly want to cook. And, if you’re like most of the people I know, that means you have a fridge full of food you only eat once a year, and that once has probably passed. Now you’ve got the remains of a feast or two, and you have to do something with it all.

Just in time, Chrischanukkahwanzaamas brings you Leftovermas!

The point is simple and obvious. Take all the food in your fridge (that is already in edible form), throw it on some white bread, and eat it. There is absolutely no way you can wrong today. It’s time to clear out the leftovers.

Think of it like Fat Tuesday without the parade or the beads. Unless, of course, you like to eat beads and you have some in your fridge.

They say you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. (They also say you can’t pick your friend’s nose, so what do they know?) Since the next couple of days are spent with people you can’t pick, why not spend today with those you can? That’s what today, Chummas, is all about!

Unfortunately, the name of this day of Chrischanukkahwanzaamas seems to be causing some confusion. This is NOT the day to feed the sharks. I suppose you could do that on the 29th, but that’s not really what that day is about, either. And Chrischanukkahwanzaamas is trying to go green; throwing a bunch of turkey into the ocean seems to run counter to that goal.

Anyway… We thought about calling it “Buddymas,” but Will Ferrell wasn’t available. And “Friendmas” just sounds silly. So “Chummas” it is!

Today is about giving gifts to those people you want to give gifts to, not to those people you have to. And it should be something fun, something they need. Remember, this holiday is about people you like.

Happy Merry Festive!

It was a long day. I’ve only been up for a little over twelve hours, but that doesn’t really explain what this day has been about.

To do that justice, we need to go back to last night. Ronni asked me for our flight information to send to her mom before our trip today. In checking on that, I discovered that our flight to New York was cancelled. Twelve hours before the flight, and it’s already cancelled.

So I called the number to try to rebook our flights (since I wasn’t allowed to do it online for some reason). Six hours later…

Wait, let me say that again… SIX HOURS LATER!!!!…

I hung up the phone in disgust. It was two thirty in the morning. We decided to get ready and drive into the airport to see if someone there could help us. Ronni had slept for a few hours. I dozed a little (with my earpiece in, listening to a very static-y and broken up hold message), but not more than a few minutes.

It seems a large winter storm was bearing down on the east coast, and Northwest (now owned and operated by Delta… out of Atlanta… for those of you who know how I feel about Atlanta) was pre-emptively cancelling flights. Apparently. But there was a flight that was leaving early enough they hadn’t cancelled it yet.

Unfortunately, there was no luck. We got rebooked for Sunday morning. It stunk, but we were determined to make the best of it. We went to breakfast, and then we headed home.

I immediately laid down and slept for about three and a half hours. I don’t know why I woke up, but I did. Then I called the cat-sitter who helps watch our kids while we’re away to tell him not to come today. (I didn’t want him to be surprised.)

We ran some errands and went to see Avatar (review to follow… probably tomorrow). After an early dinner, we headed home where I prepared to go to sleep very early tonight.

And then I checked my email.

Ronni’s mom emailed me to tell me that she saw the first two flights into Laguardia were cancelled. So I logged on to see what was up.

It seems they wanted to rebook us again. For Monday morning.

Keep in mind, at this point, there has been very little snow in New York City as far as we can tell. But they are once again cancelling flights more than twelve hours in advance. And by “they” I mean Delta-Northwest.

Rather than another marathon session on hold, we drove to the airport. There are flights still scheduled to fly into New York tomorrow afternoon, but apparently they are booked. So we can’t get in until Monday morning.

After they screwed up our honeymoon, you’d think we would have learned our lesson. Now Delta-Northwest is determined to screw up our holidays.

As a result, Ronni and I did not get to celebrate Familymas today the way that we had hoped. Although, Ronni did call her mom a couple of times. Maybe that counts.

I suppose it’s better to be stranded at home than at an airport. But Delta-Northwest has once again proven to me that they have no interest in actually providing customer service.

I’m not quite sure how I’m still awake now, but I suspect I will sleep well tonight.

It’s hard to believe the eighth day of Chrischanukkahwanzaamas is already upon us. But it is. Today is Cookiemas!

Luckily I still have a few cookies left from baking extravaganza a few weeks ago. Of course, I’ve already given out most of them. So in true unorthodox fashion, I’ve already been celebrating Cookiemas.

But still, there’s something about the prime numbered day itself. Of course, for me, Cookiemas is the real reason for the season. I try to keep my Chrischanukkahwanzaamas beliefs a secret, so that people will offer me cookies to get me to convert. More cookies are always good!

If you’re making cookies, please offer them to people you know. Even if they already celebrate the real holiday. Everyone needs more cookies. (Really. I don’t want to be the only one asking for larger pants this holiday season.)

For those who need explicit instructions… from the website:

The core Cookiemas Tradition (other than gorging on the sweet deliciousness of cookies) is going Door to Door (I told you it was coming) and saying – “Treat or Retreat”. If they ask for “treats” give them cookies (that you just made) and wish them a Happy Cookiemas! If they say retreat (or if they have a gun) start running. Please note that Chrischanukkahwanzaamas supports this apostolic mission, but takes no responsibilities if you choose to go door to door in a bad neighborhood, a gated community, or Arkansas.

Happy Merry Festive!

No, I haven’t spent the day drinking. I’ve been grading. The two don’t go together nearly as well as you might think.

As I was taking out the garbage today, there was a very unusual sight in the yard next door.

I’ve seen wild turkeys in our area before, but never in our neighborhood. And never so many. I think they were eating the berries from the tree they were standing under.

And sitting in.

Also, I didn’t know turkeys could fly. Not well, mind you. But well enough to get in the tree.

And on the roof.

Very odd.

Today is Trashmas!

In honor of this very American holiday, I offer up this poignant video:

For those scratching your heads at this point, I will also quote from the Chrischanukkahwanzaamas website regarding Trashmas:

Tell a friend about Chrischanukkahwanzaamas today. Invite them to the FACEBOOK group. Blog about your great holiday adventures. Start a chain-letter. Send some SPAM. Eat some SPAM. Spam some SPAM. Hold a telethon. Hold an intervention (it might be necessary after that Cocktailmas to Vicemas bender).

Synchronicity is at work this year. Since Trashmas falls on Sunday this year, and Sundays in December mean Football, and Football means beer, and Trashmas means beer, then Trashmas must fall on a Sunday in December! (At least this year. Next year, not so much. Also that was a run-on sentence. I wanted to point that out before anyone else did because then it’s okay. Further, that’s the same logic that proves Ray Charles is God. But I’ve digressed enough.)

It occurs to me that the best thing to do to celebrate would be to create a heart-warming letter about how Bubba Claus (the Spirit of Trashmas) collected enough pull tabs from beer cans to give one moderately sick child 7 minutes on a dialysis machine. Then I could email all my friends the letter and ask them to email all their friends.

But, as I said, there’s football on. And beer to drink. So I’m going to go do that, instead.

Do you know what day it is?

It’s the day Ronni’s co-workers are getting together for a holiday party after work.

Unfortunately for them, it’s also a prime-numbered day. The eleventh of December is Vicemas! Vicemas, baby! Vicemas! That can’t end well.

In order to celebrate today, do something that you have been meaning to do this year but not done. (For some of you who are new converts, perhaps you have some New Years’ Resolutions that are getting in the way of doing what you really want to do. It’s time to give up the last vestige of your old beliefs and fully commit to the way of Chrischanukkahwanzaamas. Break any of those resolutions you haven’t yet. You made it this far. Why keep going?)

Now is the time to finally catch up on all the goofing off you’ve been meaning to do. Remember, what happens on Vicemas, stays on Vicemas. (However, please also remember that Chrischanukkahwanzaamas is not a recognized holiday in this country, and the law may have very different ideas about what “stays on Vicemas.” So don’t get too crazy.)

As an interesting side note, our friends at Chrischanukkahwanzaamas central posted an article yesterday on the Facebook page that purports to show that Santa Claus is really Satan. This is a serious attack on Chrischanukkahwanzaamas. The spirit of Vicemas is Satan Claus. Beware of any blasphemers who try to connect Christmas with Chrischanukkahwanzaamas. Whatever issues some people have Santa’s involvement in Christmas, I wish they wouldn’t besmirch Satan Claus’ bad name by trying to associate him with Santa. Stupid jolly fat man.

Happy Merry Festive!